There's no way to avoid all conflicts between two people. But developing listening and communication skills can strengthen a couple's relationship. By evaluating your problems, learning effective ways to resolve them, and knowing when to seek outside help, you and your partner can ensure that healthy, loving feelings continue long after your problem is resolved.
Evaluate Your Problems
Problems for most couples begin with differences in style, beliefs, or goals. For example, Joe keeps his feelings to himself, while Janet's style is talkative. Although at first she was attracted to his "strong, silent type," eventually she felt frustrated that he spoke so little. Her frustration led to a blow-up.
Beliefs can be about yourself, others, or the world around you. If you believe parents should be equal partners in child raising, and your partner believes traditional roles work best, conflicts can arise.
Goals can be short or long term. Bob and Sharon saved money for two years to buy a camper. When they finally had the money saved, Sharon announced that she would rather renovate the kitchen. Bob had been looking forward to his goal for a long time, and was upset at Sharon's change.
Physical abuse, verbal abuse, and chemical dependency (drugs or alcohol) are serious problems. Someone else's abusive behavior, drinking or drug use is NEVER your fault. There are many community agencies and self-help groups that have been successful in working with these problems. Don't put off getting help; things are likely to get worse. If your conflicts go on for more than a few months, it's also a good idea to talk to a counselor or therapist. You'll give your relationship the chance to get back on track.
Learn How To Resolve Them
Conflicts arise less often when people feel appreciated, loved and respected. Compliment your partner each day. Tell your partner "I love you." When a problem dose arise, begin to resolve it by talking about it. If the problem is money, sit down together to plan your budget. Talk about your fears and hopes, how your parents dealt with money. Go to the library for ideas about planning finances.
If your problem has to do with children, discussing what you feel is important in child-rearing. Agree on basic rules and responsibilities. Sometimes it helps to agree that you disagree. Let your children know you support each other and them.
If the problem is sexual, it may be a reflection of other problems. Pick a time to talk about what else might be bothering you so resentments don't build. Sex can be more satisfying if you make dates with each other when you won't be interrupted by children or the phone.
It's been said that TV stands for time vacuum. People say they don’t have the time to exercise when in reality if they would turn off the TV for one evening they may be surprised at what they get accomplished; however if you have a show that you can’t bear the thought of missing use your TV time as exercise time.
If you walk in place during your 30 minute show you will have done your recommended 30 minutes of daily exercise without even thinking about it. While you’re walking in place listen for your cue words and perform a set of 10 reps of different exercise then go back to walking in place.
For example if you’re watching a crime show such as Law and Order or CSI every time you hear the word “victim, crime or murder” do 5-10 push ups.
Bonus: If you really want to rev up your work out and if you’re a fan of game shows take one of the standard phrases you know they are going to say over and over and use that as your exercise cue.
For example if every time you hear Howie say “Deal or No Deal” or the word “case” do 10 jumping jacks; every time you hear Bob say “do you want the money or the mob?” do 10 sit ups or every time you hear Pat say “spin the wheel” run in place for 30 seconds.
Make up your own cue word for your favorite show(s) and have fun with it! This is also a great activity to do with your kids.
Laughter Yoga by Adrie Min
5 - 6pm
Tuesdays
Hillcrest Elementary Gym
Experience the combination of simple excercises with deepbreathing and laughter.
